Eastern European Madness: Lessons on Not being a Dumbass

As I have mentioned before, pre planning is not exactly on the list of my top strengths. But I am currently in the middle of a trip around Eastern Europe, and after several sarcastic remarks in the neighborhood of ‘Hope you come back with all your organs intact’ from more experienced travellers, I figured it would be a good idea to get off twitter for a while and google my destinations.

Also, being anal also seemed much more appealing after nearly missing my overpriced flight to Poland, having underestimated Ryan Air’s ‘ingenious’ cost cutting methods (to be discussed later for your amusement…)

Here are a few gems I found online concerning my next couple of destinations:

1. Prague and the world’s most incompetent taxi driver:

Kenyan cab guys are certified hustlers. My guy ‘Jay-mo’ would carry a  rungu under his seat, using it on  passangers who thought they could outsmart him. And most can hook you up with weed if you so wish. But, this Czech driver obviously liquidated his brains with moonshine vodka:

Guy stung by jellyfish needs medical attention after swelling returns while in Prague. He decides to take a taxi to hospital:

The taxi came to pick me up and took me to a nearby hospital. That’s where the panic set-in. The hospital was closed but the taxi driver still drove into the lot (enclosed by tall brick walls). Once he realized the hospital was closed (the building didn’t even look like a hospital) he started to freak out and drive around the parking lot really fast trying to find the exit. The driver started to hyperventilate until I finally calmed him down and told him to ask someone for directions, and take me directly back to the hotel (I wasn’t going to spend another minute with this guy).

2. The Real Hustle- Prague Edition: Fake Museums

… even museums and shows could be faked. I hazarded once the “Chocolate Museum” behind the Old Town Square, which boasted over 1000 pieces of collections. But in fact there were just pictures of cocoa trees and some brief introductions to the history of chocolate which you can find in any encyclopedia. Their proud collections were some old Eastern European chocolate wrappers. Later I found similarly specious museums were rampart over the city. Just don’t venture any of them.

Sausage advert of course...what did you think it looked like, perv?

3. Budapest: Beer, Hot Girls and Potential Death

Budapest has somewhat of a reputation of being a dangerous city to party in. In Kenya, robbery is not rocket science. Lose sight of your expensive camera for a few minutes and consider it a donation to the underground economy. Or, more likely, we all have a good laugh at how tourists pay a hundred fold for cheap trinkets from City market.

Click here to read a bizzare account of how they kick it in Budapest.

She IS so dangerous...and not the way u like it...

So now I know: stay away from night clubs, don’t get sick, watch out for pick pockets and beggars, and be careful not to be over charged. Right.

Only question remaining is, what’s more important: my right kidney or my wallet?

Just in case I disappear, y’all just ask CID/Interpol to look for the Kenyan girl in Prague/Budapest.

Reward offered, of course.

 

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10 thoughts on “Eastern European Madness: Lessons on Not being a Dumbass

  1. kunemaajabu

    Just read the ‘Aphrodite Akropolis Club’ story, how now?!
    Being adventorous in Budapest is quite a rumour I guess

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  2. karuceelushakirio

    Reminds e of Rio de Janeiro they can practically smell tourists and robb you off your everything including sense of humor… I loved the “donations to a lesser economy” lol reminds me of Gina Yashere in Nigeria.

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  3. Pingback: Daily Dozen: 23/02 | Diasporadical

  4. Fly

    Come on!
    Eastern Europe isn’t that bad, having been there for 6 years.

    LoL! I remember that Sausage(kolbasa) ad. It was replicated in Kiev, just that this time, the sausage was being sampled by some big-boobed lass. The bill boards were up for about a week, before they pulled them all down. 🙂

    If you’re female, smile and play dumb (in a smart way) every now and then. Somehow those people have MAD respect for ladies. If you’re male, however, asking the cabbie in Nbi to DHL you that rungu does not sound like a bad idea

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    1. WairimuM Post author

      hey, I’m Kenyan, so I was pretty sure that I would be able to handle it. But you have to admit that the stories on line about this area can be quite creepy. By the way, I now learn that I was not technically in the East, more like central Europe. Post coming up on my actual xp. 🙂

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