Category Archives: self sabotage

Bullshit masquerading as advice. Ignore

I’ve talked about my enormous weight gain in a previous post. Well, today I have some good news. I’ve dropped a couple of kilos. Six, to be exact.

Yaay me.

I wanted to call this post ‘what skinny girls know and what the fatties loathe to admit‘…but I thought that might be a bit offensive. Anyway, I’m going to talk about sacrifice, achieving your goals and why you should ignore what people say.

I know this may come naturally for many of you super-humans out there, but if, like me, you are a master at brainwashing yourself and refusing to take responsibility, read on.

The other day, I went out with my friend for lunch. She picked a fried chicken joint that reeks of old, rancid oil. And then she worked her way through five gigantic pieces of deep fried, breaded chicken.

Me, I had a coffee.

At some point, she thrust a piece in my face and demanded that I take it. I said, ‘no thanks’ without batting an eyelid.

Come on, Kristin, one piece won’t hurt! You are so skinny and sexy already, you don’t need to punish yourself all the time!’

This is what I get for punishing' myself

This is what I get for punishing’ myself

Tell me, please, how am I punishing myself by refusing to eat a week’s worth of fat in one sitting? How am I punishing myself by refusing to eat greasy food that will make me ill?

No thank you, dear friend, if this is punishing myself, then suffer away I will.

The thing is, most of my friends don’t realise that my new found health is a result of the daily choices that I make.  This shit did not come naturally.

This is how 'treating' myself worked out for me. It's when I decided that enough was enough

This is how ‘treating’ myself worked out for me. I’m too ashamed to even show my face here

And that ‘eat anything you want and go to the gym’ has failed so spectacularly for me in the past that I vowed never to take on another gym membership.

They see me everyday and the change is so gradual that it’s easy to miss. Even I didn’t see it until my favourite skinny jeans suddenly developed a little pouch where my ass used to be.

People who meet me imagine I’ve always been like this. And take offence when I refuse to inhale a box of chocolate biscuits with them. ‘Come on, Kristin, what’s the harm? Treat yourself!!’

The truth is, losing weight (and being healthy) does not just magically appear as you down litres of Coke and other weird stuff that people imagine is food. Neither does it come by going on a short term, insane regime and then running back to the bad habits you had before. It takes time.

this is not food. This is death on a plate

this is not food. This is death on a plate

And sacrifice.

Yeah, I said it, sacrifice. I’ve noticed that few people really appreciate the hard work that goes behind any real success in life. We look at athletes and assume that they were born that way. We look at the kid who graduated with honours and say that he must have been born a genius.

We look at that shapely girl and think how lucky she is to have a fast metabolism.

It's because I have a slow metabolism

It’s because I have a slow metabolism

Lies. All lies.

There are plenty of self help books that tell you stuff like ‘visualize your success and the universe will give it to you…’, ‘follow this special formula that only I know and success will be yours tomorrow.’

It’s like we have forgotten that we do actually need to work hard to get what we want. Yes, luck plays a part. Yes, genes are important. But they are not excuses for bad behaviour. Or letting yourself off easily because you ‘have a slow metabolism’ or you aren’t ‘smart enough’, or you ‘have terrible luck’ or your teacher ‘hates’ you.


Did I make sacrifices? Yes. Was it easy? Not always. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

It pays to look at the daily life choices we make. And yes, your mother was right: you do need to work hard.

Preaching session over, never to return againg. But, I have started a blog where I will unleash the full of extent of my new found food Nazism. If you are interested in that kind of thing, check it out. One post so far. 

Real India? No thanks, could I have mine airbrushed and airconditioned please?

The search for ‘Real India’ usually comes up when tourists and visitors see something that does not match their Googled images of India. Like tall buildings. And large stretches of smooth road with no traffic.

At this point, person A usually says something like,

‘This is not the image of India I expected. Let’s get away from the commercial areas, I want to see the real thing.’

Which, of course, is claustrophobic streets reeking of urine, dirty kids begging for money, cows  weaving in and out of traffic and lively market scenes that will later be Photoshopped into artistic black and white pictures that supposedly capture the beauty of Incredible India.

And then everyone goes home happy that they experienced the Real India, not like those fake ass tourists who lounge about in air conditioned coffee shops to complain about not being able to wear tiny shorts in public.

hey! let's travel  like the natives do!
hey! let’s travel like the natives do!


But even getting followed by drunk men in small towns, sampling whatever the locals eat at roadside restaurants with questionable hygiene and traveling in rickety, old buses is still not real India. That’s called budget traveling.

‘Real’ anything happens to you when you have to take on the systems of the country: It could be going to a hospital in the middle of nowhere, or having to file a report at the police station. (None of which have happened to me yet, touch wood)

Or it could be being given two days notice to find another place to live due to ‘cultural differences’ with your housemates. It could be having to negotiate with people so that you can keep your job after getting into a massive amount of shit.

Real India is when you start to realize that cultural differences are not ha ha, these people all use bidetsbut are more like,

Oh shit, I’m in trouble because I broke rules I never knew existed and how do I get these people to understand my perspective?

Let’s take the house example. Before, the other trainees had a list of somewhat reasonable complaints:

  • the washing machine looks funny
  • it’s too hot in here
  • the shower does not have enough water pressure
  • I can’t stream movies here because the internet is too slow
  • these guys are always scratching their balls when talking to us.

First world problems (source:

And now, new housing options:

  • Creepy old female landladies hiding knives in the folds of their skirts
  • paying to live in a building with 20 other people and only sharing one toilet
  • opting to stay in a girls’ only prison ‘Paying Guesthouse’ with a 10.00pm curfew
  • Not being allowed to bring ‘non-veg’ food into the premises

Nothing like being downgraded to bring a little perspective into your life.

Chandigarh’s most famous trainee was a guy named Edward. On his birthday, he convinced a bunch of other trainees to go sleep at the train station, in order to experience ‘real India’.

A friend of AIESEC gave the cops a small bribe to keep an eye on these idiotic daring and adventurous youths. And so they got to experience ‘Real India’ in all its mosquito infested glory. And a feeling of accomplishment because they survived a night at a train station.

Congratulations! thanks for showing us how pointlessly hardcore you can be. (source; )

Congratulations! You just showed us how pointlessly hardcore you can be. (source:

My point? I rarely ever travel  with the explicit goal to make friends with the locals and experience ‘real‘ life in that country. I don’t want to because its difficult. And frustrating. And I would just rather have a good time and let things happen,  than going around smiling at the natives like an idiot, trying to show how well I can fit in.

And in any case, ‘Real country x’ will come around and smack you when you least expect it.